Rear Admiral Phineas Fogg-Bottom

FROM THE DECK OF THE HMS FOGWATCH -- San Francisco voters have fallen victim to a political swindle of titanic proportions, an epic misjudgment that will see the City spend millions of dollars in a quixotic quest of misplaced priorities and squandered resources.

I am speaking, of course, of the recent vote to approve Proposition B, which gives the City the authority to spend $100 million in revenue bonds to build solar projects in San Francisco. The goal is to reduce the City's reliance on established power providers and give residents lower electricity rates and better service.

One would have to search the history books to find a greater load of codswallop peddled on an unsuspecting public. Whilst solar energy might be appropriate for a desert metropolis stewing in some sun-baked wasteland, it is entirely inappropriate for San Francisco, a city that is daily caressed with the gentle massage of cool, soothing fog.

Why, at certain times in the summer, the HMS FogWatch can go weeks without seeing the sun from its berth at Gray Lake in Golden Gate Park. What good would solar energy do us and other City residents under such conditions? Not a wit, I say.

November's vote reflects the power, so to speak, that the solar-industrial complex continues to wield over our society. They would have us believe that the sun is the source of all that is good and healthy in our world. We are daily bombarded by images of lithe, supple, tanned bodies frolicking like nymphs in sunny environs. Nevermind that the sun's rays are a deadly Judas kiss, bringing disfiguring radiation that ultimately maims and even kills its most ardent worshipers.

But I digress. San Francisco will soon be saddled with millions of dollars worth of useless solar panels, rusting in the salty ocean air. Once the ramifications of this boondoggle are made clear, then perhaps our City Fathers will come to their senses and pursue alternative energy sources that truly reflect the native character of our City's unique environment.

Such as fog power. It should be short work to develop the technology to harness the relentless power of this majestic natural phenomenon and turn it into energy. After that, anything is possible.

Huge fog-powered turbines could be mounted at strategic points throughout San Francisco, supplying all of the City's daily needs. Small fog generators could be placed on Muni buses and other City vehicles, providing a clean alternative to smoggy diesel engines. Each home could have its own fog power plant, enabling ordinary citizens to live "off the grid."

Mayhaps these are simply the addled musings of an old Navy man. But I know in my heart that San Francisco will never find the solution to its energy woes by prostrating itself at Apollo's feet. That much is true.

We must act now. Before it's too late.

Your Admiral,

Rear Admiral Phineas Fogg-Bottom


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