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Admiral's Watch
"Extremism in defense of indulgence is no vice!" -- Rear Admiral Phineas Fogg-Bottom
FROM THE DECK OF THE HMS FOGWATCH -- It is with much regret that I must inform our loyal readership of a scandal that has erupted here at your source for fog news and information. An internal FogWatch investigation has discovered that we have published a number of articles over the past several months that include numerous inaccuracies, plagiarisms, half-truths, omissions, out-of-context quotes, fabrications, and flat-out lies. All of these articles were authored by one of our reporters, a certain First Mate Gian Carlo Luigi della Stromboli. Our investigation has determined that della Stromboli was singlehandedly responsible for nearly all of the infractions mentioned above. Della Stromboli, hired several years ago as a foreign affairs correspondent, apparently lied on his resume to gain his current position, and has continued fabricating information throughout his tenure at FogWatch.com. Della Stromboli most recently led our coverage of the U.S. invasion of Iraq, and thus we are forced to retract essentially all of our articles on that conflict. To wit: * The Bush Administration did not tap Willie Brown to rule Iraq in the wake of the invasion, as stated here. That position is being held this week by Paul Bremer. Brown remains mayor of San Francisco. * The U.S. military did not form a special battalion of Oakland Raiders fans to spearhead the invasion of Iraq, as indicated in this story.That task actually fell to U.S. Army, Marine, and Special Forces units. * Protests in San Francisco did not shut down the U.S. war effort and force the Bush Administration to sue for peace, as della Stromboli indicated here. The Bush Administration largely ignored the protests and the U.S. subsequently defeated Iraq. * Saddam Hussein did not escape Iraq and reappear in San Francisco, as stated in this story. Hussein's whereabouts are still unknown, though he is believed to still be in Iraq. In hindsight, it seems that a little additional journalistic investigation would have exposed della Stromboli's fabrications before they were ever published. However, FogWatch.com's internal editorial quality control processes obviously broke down, with disastrous consequences. I can assure all FogWatch.com readers that we remain committed to producing a trustworthy, quality editorial product, and that we are taking strong action to rectify this situation. Della Stromboli has been stripped of his rank as first mate, and his current title is now Junior Cabin Boy. He now reports to the Cabin Boy, who has been promoted to Cabin Boy Emeritus. I can assure you that all of the journalists at FogWatch.com have made it our mission to regain your trust. In this we shall not fail. Your Admiral, Rear Admiral Phineas Fogg-Bottom Admiral's Watch Archives SF supes deserve cheers for risky gamble to clean up city SF voters fall for solar boondoggle Old San Francisco is dying |
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