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From: Rear Admiral Phineas Fogg-Bottom
Date: 16 Oct 2001
Time: 18:01:34
Remote Name: 64.13.113.226
Worried in Waukesha,
I'm glad you asked. I've been viewing the events in Afghanistan with increasing concern, and have become convinced that the U.S. strategy there has seriously gone astray.
My primary concern is America's overreliance on air power. As a naval man with combat experience, I firmly believe that sea power is the best way to project force around the globe.
This is particularly true in the case of Afghanistan. The country has a strong sailing tradition and active ports, and the Taliban militia relies heavily on one industry, the banana crop. In fact, "Taliban" is a Pashto word meaning "one who counts bananas," derived from their origins in the banana import-export industry.
The importance of the banana to the Taliban is reflected in the old Harry Belafonte tune, the "Day-O Song." To wit:
"Come Mr. Taliban, tally me banana
Daylight come and me want to go home."
It may seem insignificant to uninformed ears, but to the old Afghanistan hand this ditty indicates that the best way to hit the Taliban is to strike them where they are the weakest.
Were your admiral commanding the U.S. forces, I would begin with an assault on the Taliban's port fortifications. The 20-inch guns on most modern battleships would make short work of the Taliban's shoreline fortifications.
Gunboats could then sail up Afghanistan's major navigable rivers, disrupting the banana trade and wreaking havoc on the country's economy. In a few short weeks the Taliban would be suing for peace and Osama bin Laden would be in our hands.
Yours,
Rear Admiral Phineas Fogg-Bottom