By First Mate Gian Carlo Luigi della Stromboli

SAN FRANCISCO - The Bush Administration is reportedly mulling a plan to install San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown as Iraq's first post-war ruler following a U.S. invasion. Bush officials are said to believe that Brown is the only U.S. political official with the experience needed in ruling a fractious region divided by vicious ethnic and ideological feuds. The SF Board of Supervisors, not usually a Bush ally, is reportedly leaning in favor of the idea.

Bush Administration officials reportedly hit upon the concept following a review of the San Francisco political scene sparked by the elevation of San Francisco Democrat Nancy Pelosi to minority leader in the House of Representatives. The Bushies were surprised by the similarities between Iraq and San Francisco -- both tumultuous political entities kept from the verge of anarchy only by the iron will of a charismatic strongman.

"The parallels between Willie and Saddam are uncanny, almost like that whole Lincoln/Kennedy thing," said one Bush official. "The only difference is that Willie has never used poison gas on his own people -- at least not that we know of."

Under the administration's plan, Brown would be installed as Iraq's sole ruler once Saddam Hussein is ousted by U.S. troops. He would rule Iraq for an undetermined length of time with unlimited powers while the U.S. prepared the country for transition to a democratically elected government.

Brown is reportedly intrigued by the idea. His second and final term as San Francisco mayor expires in 2003, and he reportedly has no interest in returning to the California legislature, which he ruled in the 1980s and early 1990s. Running his own country would reportedly be the culmination of a lifelong dream for the SF politico.

But Brown's elevation as Iraqi potentate is not yet a done deal. Although the move reportedly has the backing of the Board of Supervisors, it is opposed by many of the progressive groups that frequently spar with Brown on a wide range of issues.

"This plan would basically just exchange one dangerous, megalomaniacal dictator for another, and would give Willie access to what he's wanted all along for years -- weapons of mass destruction," said Medelia Sanderson, consensus facilitator of At War for Peace!, a local progressive group dedicated to peace and social justice issues. "It would be an unmitigated disaster for the Iraqi people, just as the Brown administration has been for the people of San Francisco."