By First Mate Gian Carlo Luigi della Stromboli

SAN FRANCISCO - Faced with the collapse of his regime in Baghdad, Saddam Hussein has fled to San Francisco, where he has assumed control of street protests aimed at resisting the Bush Administration's war on Iraq.

The U.S. military's rapid progress in taking Baghdad led Hussein to conclude that leading the war from Iraq was no longer possible. Iraqi resistance crumbled as American military forces entered the heart of Baghdad, toppling statues and shelling government buildings.

A B-1 bomber strike on April 9 nearly killed Hussein, but missed after he left the restaurant where the dictator had been dining only minutes before. Hussein disappeared from view following the assassination attempt, with rumors indicating that he had fled to Syria or Iran.

CIA officials, however, believe that Hussein has found a more hospitable refuge: San Francisco, home to some of the most vociferous protests of the war.

"San Francisco has provided Hussein with some of the strongest support he has enjoyed in this war, so it’s no surprise that he is using the City as his refuge of last resort," a CIA insider told FogWatch.com. "Hell, the City is even known as Baghdad by the Bay -- he may have seen that as a good omen."

Hussein reportedly arrived in the City in mid-April and has taken up residence at an undisclosed location in the Mission District. He has already been seen at several protests downtown, including one at Market and Powell streets in which he and his supporters chanted "Hell no, I won't go" in a defiant riposte to Bush Administration calls for him to resign his position as president of Iraq.

San Francisco peace activists say that Hussein's arrival has rejuvenated the local peace movement, which had become despondent at the quick pace of U.S. military victories.

"He's really given us a shot in the arm," said Medelia Sanderson, consensus facilitator for San Francisco-based peace group At War for Peace! "Sometimes when you're out there in the streets you can lose sight of what it's all about, but here he is, right here in the flesh."

Hussein has also reportedly given the peace movement a number of new ideas for tactics and strategies they can use in disseminating their message, according to Sanderson. "You can expect big things from us very soon," she said. "If anyone knows anything about inconveniencing people to prove a point, it’s Saddam Hussein."

The Bush Administration, however, is said to be vexed by the wily Hussein's latest move. Taking no chances, the administration has quietly moved several Army, Marine, and Oakland Police Department divisions into positions ringing the City in preparation for a military assault to finish off the Iraqi dictator once and for all.

Let them come, said San Francisco's new Minister of Information Said Sahaf, who left Iraq to accompany Hussein to San Francisco. "We will be roasting their genitals in Hell like so many chestnuts on the proverbial open fire," said the colorful bureaucrat. "The people of San Francisco will stand like a citadel of iron for their beloved Saddam."

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